Friday, April 6, 2007

Eardrum: Huhh? Say Again?? Whaaat?

Earaches and sinus infections, they suck. I have both, the worst I have had since I had two surgeries to correct such afflictions. That was money well spent. Clogged ears, throbbing headache, pulsating eardrums, the drip (nasal, get your mind out of the gutter), scratchy throat, the lung capacity of a 70 year old smoker, vertigo...yeah life is a bowl of cherries this week. So how do I recoup and make myself feel better? By flying to Phoenix on good ol' Southwest, not for pleasure I might add. The family vacationers, screaming babies, nosy toddlers, pushy snow birds, cranky business travelers, too-chipper-for-their-own-good flight attendants, schmoopy honeymooners; eh so I'm cranky myself, sue me. I think it will be no problem, I can ignore the pain and misery that comes with issues of the head. Then they seal the door. We taxi, takeoff, then climb...OH DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN. I am seriously coming out of my seat writhing in pain until finally my inner hearing sanctum succumbs to the pressure. Not kidding, there was an explosion in my head the equivalent of St. Helens or blowing a Bose speaker. I beg and plead for said flight attendants to bestow upon me some drugs: Tylenol, Morphine, or I would have even taken Midol or a blow to the head to put me out of my misery. I could have sworn there was some significant cerebral hemorrhaging going on. For 156 minutes I endure the pain and the pressure which I equate to passing a kidney stone or, dare I say it, CHILDBIRTH (yeah that was quickly squelched by my unsympathetic wife). If only you could take the eardrum to Best Buy for repair. I'm sure I will have to endure more pain until I break down and go to a doctor...more money well spent, but hey, if it takes away the pain, bring it on. I SAID BRING IT ON, NO NO, BRING, ah never mind.

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