Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? My neighbors put in a circle drive...now they can't get out. My high school colors were clear. (Steven Wright)
Everything is instant these days. Instant coffee, instant tea...so I bought some instant water. I don't know what to add. (Rita Rudner)
Why is it that creditors call you with these annoyingly obvious collectors? "Yes, this is Carlos from American Express...we need you to call us back regarding a very important banking matter." Like anyone voluntarily calls them back! They should have a cheerful shopper line, "Hi! It's Amy from Amex...see you bought some shoes...CALL ME!!" (Caroline Rhea)
Rules Lillian! Eddie broke the rules! We put the rules on the refrigerator and Eddie br-...what? Eddie hit Jimmy Walker in the mouth?! Oh, Eddie got hit in the mouth, look like Jimmy Walker. (Eddie Murphy)
Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P. shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T. 'cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could become an M.I.A. and then we'd all be put out on K.P. (Adrian Cronauer)
Hey, that's a pretty girl down there, I wonder if she goes out with one of the Yankees? Richard, who's your favorite little rascal? Is it Alfalfa, or is it Spanky? Sinner. (Tommy Callahan)
No no no no no...this sucker's electrical, but I need a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 jigawatts of electricity I need...come on, let's get you a radiation suit! (Dr. Emmett Brown)
Ok Bran...Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house...to use the bathroom. But his SISTER did! (Chunk)
These are my, I-DONT-NEED-A-JOB, I-DONT-NEED-BARRY cause I got great boots, boots! (Rachel Green)
A construction manager peers down a 10 story deep hole in the ground and frantically yells to a hoard of workers..."STOP you idiots! The plans are upside down!"
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