Monday, July 9, 2007

Life Lessons: Chapter 1

My two friends Greg and Jason were watching a Steelers game at Buffalo Wild Wings one Monday night last fall. The bar was packed and a young Gen Y-er was sitting with a girlfriend at the bar. Her top was cropped and she was wearing hip huggers that fell ever so slightly below her exposed T-back. Just a teeny bit of crack was visible as she sat imbibing and engrossed in conversation. Unfortunately I was not there to witness, but through Jason I have heard the story many times! Greg gets up to walk to the bathroom, stumbles past the girl, glances as he passes, steps back to glance again, then as if the two had a history of playful chemistry…he slips his right index finger into the visible crack. Bloop…just like that! She was obviously stunned and he continued on to the bathroom as if nothing had happened.

Life Lesson #648: Thou shalt not poke, prod, or otherwise violate the T-back sanctum of a strange coed in a bar whilst thy judgment is impaired.

Many a moon ago, in my short tenure with Hogan Information, I had a colleague named Jessica. She was on a business trip to Orlando staying at a high-rise Embassy Suites. It had been a great day, productive business, awesome hair day, stunning new clothes, the world was her oyster…she left her room to visit the front desk for directions to a dinner location. Giddy with a zest for life, she entered the elevator where she joined a visiting family on vacation sparking conversation as they rode to the lobby together. She sauntered across the large atrium lobby area past more families checking-in and happy hour patrons, saying hello and waving as they watched her make her way to the front desk. With directions in hand, she sashayed back through the expansive atrium with her good hair bouncing in rhythm with her confident stride. She boarded the elevator once again to return to her room and shared the car with a young visitor from the UK. Half way to her floor, he leaned over and in proper and eloquent British form he shyly whispered, “Pardon miss, you seem to have your skirt tucked into your knickers”.

Life Lesson #724: Always check thy clothing for unnecessary tuckedness and/or stray toilet paper.

Life Lesson #811: Always share with someone their unnecessary tuckedness and/or stray toilet paper to aid them in avoiding compounded embarrassment.

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